If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
