Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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