Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Randomize
