I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
