I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
