She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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