I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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