I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
