Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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