so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
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