Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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