You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
barbara walters just said penis...
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
She needs sedatives and a leash
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
