If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
