i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
