OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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