apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
