He asked to "fluff my boner.."
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
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