Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
