It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
