is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
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