he puts the penis in happiness.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
