I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
