they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Randomize
