'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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