im six kinds of drunk right now
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
