if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
