she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
