i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Randomize
