His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
