either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
