guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
