the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
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