I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
