windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Randomize
