things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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