it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
