I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
