He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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