I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I could fuck to npr.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
