My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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