I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
