shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Randomize
