party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
