plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
But theres a keg here and me gusta
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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