Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
