When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
