I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
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