She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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