Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
