Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
