I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Randomize
