he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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