i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Randomize
