You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
